Hire me. I'm cool like a fool.

Ok I found a job worth applying for, and I need to write them a page to inform them of why I above all others deserve the job.

How bout this:

Listen up ho's I need this job, kay. Cos, like, I have no money. There is no one in this country betta than me, capiche? I am your original South African sea monkey. Don't waste my time with this shit, just show me the money.

OR:

I don't think I am overly qualified for this post. I do actually have some experience in this particular field, but it was 6 years ago and I remember squat. I just need a job because I am an unemployed bum and it sucks. If you pick me you will need your head examined. But let's be blunt, everyone lies on these things, I am being honest and saving you the time of finding out later that the young hotshot you thought you were hiring spends half the year on sick leave and the other half taking smoke breaks.

OR:

Dear Sirs and Madams (no I am not Eve. At least Eve has a job, hey.)

Please, please give me this job. It sounds cool. I am not very experienced or qualified. I can spel well though. I am not digging this unemployment business, it is giving me inadequacy issues, and an inferiority complex, boredom overload, and just general lassitude. It sucks, m'kay.

Dudes, why do you play these games with us, making us feel like we are never good enough for your jobs, making it seem like only Superman could qualify? The reality is surely that many people could carry out the job satisfactorily. Why not just say so? I am on my knees here, pweez, take me, take me.

Of course, in reality I am going to write some crap about how inspired I am about the job, how I am a fast learner (read: inexperienced), and what a hard worker I am. Ah, the games we play in this mad little world.