I have been fairly secretive about my work on this blog, but I feel it is time that I came clean. It is time you know the truth. I claim to be a scientist, I claim to work with plants. Both claims are mostly true.
But what I failed to mention is that a large portion of my time each month is taken up by hairdressing. I am essentially a plant hairstylist.
I bet you thought there was a certain lack of demand for such a service right?
So so wrong.
You see, often we grow these weeds in big clumps and they grow fast and spindly and wild. And the result is one big tangled mass. It looks a bit like this (see unhappy plant with dry, tangled, er, stems)
So I have to tease out the stems/strands, smooth them (wipe off any outside invading seeds), detangle, straighten, and then separate the mass into two neat equal clumps. Then it is time to style. I form a neat bun, tie it off and voila, the plant afro is neatly tamed. Like this (see happy stylish plant. You're worth it):
Maybe the bun is a bit formal. Can anyone come up with better ideas for weed styles? I am thinking plaits could work well. Or a simple twist...
What can I say? There are some weird jobs out there. I happen to be the most useless excuse of a female who cannot manage to straighten her own hair without mishap, but I somehow ended up in charge of the plants' unruly manes.
Ok, often I pull whole clumps out (oooooops) by the roots. But if you just kind of poke them back into the soil, it looks like they are still attached, and erm no one shall know the difference. Except the weed who will now die a miserable and lonely death by dehydration. Of course.
So if your weeds ever need my services, a bit of a wash and a trim, or a neat style to impress the neighbours, you just let me know.
And if you could tell me how to get my hair straighteners to stop biting my ears, that would be much appreciated. The sizzle noise is getting to me.