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Friday, 22 August 2008

whack job attack - part 3



This is my last whack job attack.  It was only for one day (thank the  little leaping leprechauns) when I was working for a temp job agency.






Vegetable chopping factory.


Me. Hairnet, gloves, plastic sleeves, plastic slippers. Walk into factory. Go immediately blind. Eyes burning. Nose pouring, eyes streaming. Earwax dripping freely.

Room full of chopped onion. 

Taken to conveyor belt. Handed knife. Knife??! Cannot see. Eyeballs suspended in vat of acid. Onion also makes me sneeze. Am shown little area for wiping and washing eyes. Regulars don't need to use it as tearducts have withered. Have to visit this area every 5 seconds. Spent entire day cutting bits off tubers with knife while totally and utterly blind. Did not lose one single limb. Colleague did and got sent home. Have never felt so much pain in eyes. 

Spent every minute of that day begging for it to end. Was the longest day in the history of this world. If I wasn't crying so much from attack of killer onions I may just have cried from emotional trauma instead.


So that is it folks. Now remember, stay in school, don't do drugs, and above all, don't do what I did, and everything will be fine. Mostly. Respect mah authoritah.

(If you have an express wish to be Cartman, do you think you may need some sort of counselling/straitjacket/sex change/visit to fat camp? Just asking. Hypothetically.)

6 comments:

redsaid said...

Okay, you win... Hands down, and (teary) eyes closed.

Just tell me one thing. You obviously found these whack jobs through a recruitment agency? (Or didn't you?) Either way, what exactly was/is it about you that compelled them to give you jobs where you had to wield sharp objects?

po said...

Hey redsaid

it must have been my Cartman obsession, right? They could see it in me.

redsaid said...

Must be! hahahaha. A friend gifted me with a tonne of Southpark burned on DVD. Best gift I've received in a long time! :-)

po said...

Wow

That is a good friend.

I watch them on the internet, but it's not such good quality. Can't complain though, yay for unlimited broadband!

redsaid said...

Oh... that's just MEAN, Po! Unlimited bandwidth coursing through my laptop's veins... or wherever it is where bandwidth floweth... that is the thing I miss even more about living overseas than central heating, Starbucks and American network television.

Now I'm stuck with a measly GIG. PER MONTH! I used to use that within half an hour in the States... *Sighs*

I never should've misspent my formative years in the first world... It ruined me for life!

po said...

I hear your pain, I do. My sister and I visted my aunt in Durbs this year, and like rabid little internet beasties we used up ALL her bandwidth, we didn't realise there were rations, much like with the electricity.

When I was in SA I had unlimited internet at the university anyway. You poor thing.