Issues, issues. I have issues. I think. I am 90% sure I have lots of issues.
Don't we all.
Yes but I would like very much to deal with them. But I don't have the foggiest clue where to begin. I may even be too old; maybe I am beyond repair?
The obvious solution is a shrink. But here in the UK, unless you are diagnosed with something serious you are unlikely to be referred to a specialist on the NHS. Which leaves a private practice. Even if I were working I could not afford a private shrink on a regular basis. Could I somehow convince my GP to send me to an NHS shrink? From previous NHS experiences I can foresee the process:
ME: Doc, I have issues. I need to see a shrink.
DOC: Take these painkillers. If the symptoms persist, come back in two months.
ME: But I don't have any pa-
DOC: sorry your 10 minutes is up, please make a new appointment.
2 months later:
ME: Doc, same problem, symptoms still around, need shrink.
NEW DOC: Um, who are you? Look, if you really feel the same way in 6-8 weeks then come back to me okay?
500 million years later (dinosaurs once again roam the earth, but are vegan and gluten-intolerant):
ME: still same old same old.
DOC 3: Okay, phone this number. They will give you an appointment.
After 4 days of trying to get through to the number, I get an appointment for 8 months later.
SHRINK: How can I help you?
ME: Actually, forgeddaboutit. I bought some Bovril, a weedwhacker, a slinky, a man's entire life, a vintage postcard with sexual connotation, an ant farm, a worm farm, a seamonkey kit, and some lederhosen on ebay, and I feel just fine.
So yes. Perhaps a book? I have a feeling that a book will not work for me for obvious reasons: I have to be the one who self diagnoses and actually does what the book says. What if one of my issues is that I am a lazy unmotivated drifter?
I have come to the point that I acknowledge that my issues are affecting my life and holding me back. But perhaps I am not committed to solving them yet. The thought of actually talking to a shrink makes me want to scream/run/eat slugs. I can't cope with talking about stuff until at least 12 years has passed since said stuff occurred. I am a clam.
I know for sure that my low self esteem, negative thought patterns, general fear of everything, and probable suppressed pain/anger/confusion are wreaking havoc upon my life. Euugh. But what to do?
What the fuck to do?