I am frizzled, frazzled, fried, flat as a pancake. My backbone is a mess. It is kinked and wonky and bent. Commuting between Leamington and London is an exquisite form of torture.
a) how and
b) why do people do it every day? Hate is not a sufficient word.
I am also suffering badly from lack of sun and light. I am like a plant, I need to photosynthesise!
But most importantly I am FREE! No more exams, so no more pretending like I give a shit, and knowing I should probably give a shit, but not remembering why.
The only thing I have to do today is write this blogpost*.
I have decided that while my life is quite boring and really I prefer it that way, (please dear universe, give me a life of boredom rather than a life of "interesting times") I can have it both ways if I want. I can have an exciting life in my spare time. And how am I going to achieve this? I am going to pretend my life is a movie.
Yes, I am going to pretend I am a superhero kickbutt chick in my very own movie, so that while I while away the hours in my labcoat with my pippette, really I will be beating up arsonists and alligators with one hand while performing the one finger death thrust upon a ninja zombie, and jabbing my heel into the vampire mafia boss, all while blindfolded.
Of course I will also have to have sex with lots of attractive but brainless men, but that is all part of the job. And I will have to spend most of my time in exotic locations, but such are the hardships of supergirls. And, oh dear, I will have to learn how to walk in heels.
I can pretend that the work I do is all in aid of the grand plot to save the world, or to end the world, whichever is more fashionable at the time. And my boss can be the nemesis. And I can backflip down the corridor... naked. Oh wait, I can do that anyway.
I am going to have to hire a wardrobe assistant and a makeup assistant for this gig because I can barely dress myself and I have no idea how to apply makeup beyond knowing that lipstick usually goes on the lips (right?). Any takers? I pay well in chocolate digestives. You get the ones that are left drowning in my coffee. I will throw in the coffee as a freebie.
And I am going to need a new spine. But it should all be good.
*You'd think it would have been a bit better then, all things considered.