Thursday, 13 November 2008

Just call me RamPo

I am frizzled, frazzled, fried, flat as a pancake. My backbone is a mess. It is kinked and wonky and bent. Commuting between Leamington and London is an exquisite form of torture.

a) how and
b) why do people do it every day? Hate is not a sufficient word.

I am also suffering badly from lack of sun and light. I am like a plant, I need to photosynthesise!

But most importantly I am FREE! No more exams, so no more pretending like I give a shit, and knowing I should probably give a shit, but not remembering why.

The only thing I have to do today is write this blogpost*.

I have decided that while my life is quite boring and really I prefer it that way, (please dear universe, give me a life of boredom rather than a life of "interesting times") I can have it both ways if I want. I can have an exciting life in my spare time. And how am I going to achieve this? I am going to pretend my life is a movie.

Yes, I am going to pretend I am a superhero kickbutt chick in my very own movie, so that while I while away the hours in my labcoat with my pippette, really I will be beating up arsonists and alligators with one hand while performing the one finger death thrust upon a ninja zombie, and jabbing my heel into the vampire mafia boss, all while blindfolded.

Of course I will also have to have sex with lots of attractive but brainless men, but that is all part of the job. And I will have to spend most of my time in exotic locations, but such are the hardships of supergirls. And, oh dear, I will have to learn how to walk in heels.

I can pretend that the work I do is all in aid of the grand plot to save the world, or to end the world, whichever is more fashionable at the time. And my boss can be the nemesis. And I can backflip down the corridor... naked. Oh wait, I can do that anyway.

I am going to have to hire a wardrobe assistant and a makeup assistant for this gig because I can barely dress myself and I have no idea how to apply makeup beyond knowing that lipstick usually goes on the lips (right?). Any takers? I pay well in chocolate digestives. You get the ones that are left drowning in my coffee. I will throw in the coffee as a freebie.

And I am going to need a new spine. But it should all be good.

*You'd think it would have been a bit better then, all things considered.


Being Brazen said...

Sounds awesome, superhero girl...or should i say RamPo.

hope your spine feels better soon :)

MidniteGem said...

Funny stuff!

Yeah hope your Spine feels better - cause I know your pain! it is not good!

And yay for the boring life - i'm with you there

Dash said...

That quiz was easy, what could be better than a wit-wielding lab-monkey?

no to boring life. boring life is the antithesis of all things good in the world! What will you write about with a boring life.

VOTE NO, this november....

LadyFi said...

Hilarious post! Love the voting alternatives. I think that you should be each superheroine chick in turn: on Mondays, the pink-heared manga girl, on Tuesday, the naked snake-wearing agent and so on...

Why limit yourself to only one character?

Rox said...

I agree with ladyfi - alternate depending on your mood.

Like a RamPo with multiple super personalities.

po said...

Thank BB! me too.

midnite gem: you have back problems too? I am starting to wonder if I will ever get better or if it will be like this forever.

dash: haha, lab SEAmonkey! I like boring, because in between the boring lots of stuff happens and that stuff is usually not good.

rox and ladyfi: cool idea, I am already a bit dazed and confused though, how will I keep track of who I am? I will have to hire a PA as well!

MidniteGem said...

Yup - also got back problems that are not going away - last time they checked I had a 16 degree curvature of the spine. If you look straight at my back and could see the spine you would see an S. I have found that climbing has eased the pain as i am stretching the sore muscles and making them stronger to support my spine. But i still need to go back to the doc and have them check it again as i've been in more pain lately. Just waiting for my traveling xrays from SA

po said...

ooh midnite gem I think I have something similar. Only the doctors here refused to do anything or xray anything. So I went to a chiropractor and he said I am very curved.He was the first person to xray me.

Actually my "shoulder operation" was not neccessary because it was not my shoulder at all but my back. My upper facet joints slipped and caused pain in my shoulder. I went 2 years without knowing this.

I hate the NHS so much that I now do not trust a single word they say.

MidniteGem said...

OH no sounds aweful!! You have to be flippin strong with the NHS people i've found - As per my rants about getting the implant contraceptive.

But saying that i've never had a good time with Chiropracters either. I know that the NHS is reluctant to do tests etc without a history so that is why i'm getting my history from SA in culding xrays sent to me. So i can push them to deal with it now. But saying that I have a choice of medical practices to see. I can go to the company private non NHS practice and the company pays. or I could go to this NHS specialist sports injury clinic that apparently has all the equipment for tests on site like xrays, MRI's etc.

po said...

yeah I guess I was not firm because I had no clue what was wrong. But now I dont trust them. I had an mri scan and everything, they wasted so much money on me, all in the wrong area of my body! What a waste of time and money.

And the worst part is my instincts told me from the start that they were wrong but I kept giving them the benefit of the doubt, they were the professionals and not me etc.

I will never make that mistake again.

Ches said...


Don't shoot!?

po said...

But ches what is the point of being a superhero chickie if I dont get to shoot?