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Friday, 17 October 2008

Tell me this is all a dream.

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Exam. Today. Me. Now. Writing. Writing? How does one write? When last did I write? Help. me. Survive. this torture. Why. have. all. these. full stops. attacked. my. blog?

Yes, as you are reading this, I am probably trying to remember how to work a pen.

You know the things people say before exams, like "Oh my god I am going to fail, I have done nothing, NOTHING!"

Well, most of the time they are lying through their teeth. I know. I have done it.


This time I am deadly serious, as deadly as a sea snake serious, when I say I have not studied, and not only have I not studied, but I actually do not give a rat's ass about this stupid exam, I am not panicking, I just don't care.

This is terrible. This has never happened to me before. I have always been good at studying. In fact, I thought it was pretty much all that I was good at. I thrived on last minute cramming, I never worried about exams. But I always cared very much about my results.


I am just not able to study any more. I am old. Since the age of 6, I have been involved in formal education for 19 and a half years! That is a lot of years! The only time I took out was 2 and a half years when I first came to the UK. I think my brain is telling me it is gatvol with this studying malarkey and is on strike.

My studying mojo has left the building. The only reason I am pitching up for this exam today is because I paid the course fees and it seems so wrong to waste the money and have to do this course again some time. Good motivation huh? Somehow I have to scrape me a 50% (I can't believe I am actually saying this).

This is all very disheartening for me. I feel like I am not myself. I feel completely detached from my life, like I am in a hot air balloon, observing from a distance, and somebody cut the rope. What a shit feeling. When do I get to come down?

Have good a  Friday people, and I hope to see you all next week if I make it through this fate worse than death that is an African literature exam (anyone read Country of my skull? A part of me dies each time I read it).

(I pray the miss karma lady is not pissed with me today, because as a rule, me + London = horrendous karma).


(signs are from imagechef, as part of my tag mission from definelife)

16 comments:

Ches said...

HAPPY WEEKEND

Rox said...

The very idea of having to study again at this age is tiring - so I can only imagine what a mission this is!

I hope it goes past quickly, and that your krypto memory kicks into place and you remember stuff you had no idea you knew in the first place.

At least there's a weekend at the end of it!

Being Brazen said...

Have a fabulous weekend

GOOD luck with your exam - im sure you will kick ass :)

ladyfi said...

Hope the mojo came back when you sat down in front of the exam paper... and using a pen? Ouch - hurts the wrist!

sleepyjane said...

GOOD LUCK! :)

redsaid said...

It's probably over by now, but I am quite sure you did well. You are a very clever sea monkey, after all!

po said...

Ah thank you people, my arm nearly dropped off but I remembered how to use a pen and am still alive!

MsBehavn said...

Glad you made it through the exam, Po. I'm sure you aced it!

Have a good weekend
xo

po said...

Thanks hey!

Moe Wanchuk said...

uhhhh....Good Luck.

Any chance you can cheat?

po said...

I dunno moe, how do you cheat on a literature exam, you have to smuggle in the whole book!

Kitty Cat said...

I have to ask, if you don't give a rat's ass about this exam, why are you studying? What are you studying? By now the exam is all over, and I'm sure you pulled through. But I tried to study through Unisa once, and I really battled to sit down and get my brain to absorb all that info.

po said...

hey kitty, i always loved English at school, but decided not to study it at uni cos it didnt seem very practical. So while i was in the UK i decided to start UNISA. But because at the time I was working full time, I have only been doing a few courses each year. I started full of enthusiasm but as the years drag on my brain is taking strain. It wants a holiday. I am taking next year off!

DT said...

I am sorry Po I have only just read your post! I know that feeling all too well. You just get to the stage, where you couldn't be bothered! It will be worth it in the end. When I get like that I normally start walking around in circles and reading out loud! Anything to try and make the stuff more interactive and interesting!
Good luck with any further exams - I write again on Monday. Oh yes, what helped me in literature: when in doubt fake it, make a convincing argument out of nothing!!

po said...

DT thanks hey! faking it is exactly right, when it comes to literature. In fact that is what I did, I wrote 8 pages of sucked thumb! I hope I used big enough words!

sass said...

damn, my life is getting in the way of the blogosphere, so i only got over here now. hope it went well. i think your "sucked thumb" is worth way more than the average joe's months worth of study. so there!
(though, have to say, after years of keyboarding, pens are just foreign! THAT must've been hard!) :-)