Exam. Today. Me. Now. Writing. Writing? How does one write? When last did I write? Help. me. Survive. this torture. Why. have. all. these. full stops. attacked. my. blog?
Yes, as you are reading this, I am probably trying to remember how to work a pen.
You know the things people say before exams, like "Oh my god I am going to fail, I have done nothing, NOTHING!"
Well, most of the time they are lying through their teeth. I know. I have done it.
This time I am deadly serious, as deadly as a sea snake serious, when I say I have not studied, and not only have I not studied, but I actually do not give a rat's ass about this stupid exam, I am not panicking, I just don't care.
This is terrible. This has never happened to me before. I have always been good at studying. In fact, I thought it was pretty much all that I was good at. I thrived on last minute cramming, I never worried about exams. But I always cared very much about my results.
I am just not able to study any more. I am old. Since the age of 6, I have been involved in formal education for 19 and a half years! That is a lot of years! The only time I took out was 2 and a half years when I first came to the UK. I think my brain is telling me it is gatvol with this studying malarkey and is on strike.
My studying mojo has left the building. The only reason I am pitching up for this exam today is because I paid the course fees and it seems so wrong to waste the money and have to do this course again some time. Good motivation huh? Somehow I have to scrape me a 50% (I can't believe I am actually saying this).
This is all very disheartening for me. I feel like I am not myself. I feel completely detached from my life, like I am in a hot air balloon, observing from a distance, and somebody cut the rope. What a shit feeling. When do I get to come down?
Have good a Friday people, and I hope to see you all next week if I make it through this fate worse than death that is an African literature exam (anyone read Country of my skull? A part of me dies each time I read it).
(I pray the miss karma lady is not pissed with me today, because as a rule, me + London = horrendous karma).