Brain fog taboo

It's time I brought up an uncomfortable subject. Well, uncomfortable to some people, but not to me. I may never have another reader. Assuming I do in the first place.

Tell me, why is it not ok to talk about menstruation? Huh? Huh? All women go through it once a month, it is almost like breathing. But any mention of it causes most women to blush and most men to run for the hills.

I suffer from a variety of unpleasant side effects from this heinous monthly plague, but every three months or so I get brain fog. Brain fog is worse than all the others. It is like my brain is being pickled in pea soup. I had a bad case on Friday.

On those days I cannot access my brain. My thought processes, memories, motor functions, all shut down. And trying to get hold of them is like finding my way through thick fog. It is just awful. It is such a weird and powerless feeling.

These are the days at work when my sample tubes explode, or I set fire to things, or my experiments prove that dinosaurs evolved from a ham sandwich. On these days absolutely anything can happen. I have no control. In some ways it is quite liberating, because I just give up and enjoy the ride. But on the whole I think it would be best if I was banned from coming to work on those days. For the health of all those around me.

So wouldn't it be great if I could say to my boss, "Brain fog day! Mad hormones have hijacked my brain! You really don't want me at work today. The rest of the time I am perfectly capable and functioning (mostly) but trust me, today you want me to go home".

But no. If I tried to explain this to him he would die, or never look me in the eye again or just fire me and hire a man. And that is just so dumb.

I spent the whole of Friday going "What? He said something.... jam. Did he say jam? No... ham... spam... exam? Oh. Leaf. He said leaf. And a leaf is what, exactly?"


I should have been somewhere safe, a padded cell perhaps. But instead I conducted actual experiments requiring actual thought power, and I am sure those results shall tell me that the moon is made of Cheddar fleas.

I also spent a good few minutes trying to put my shoe on the wrong foot. My friend just laughed and put my brain fog down to the weather. "We all get it some times."

No. No. It is not the freaking weather. I would love to just say to him that it is caused by hormone frenzy, and I am not usually such an idiot. But again, he would be embarrased and uncomfortable and it is not fair for me to put him in that position so I just gave up.

The plus side to my brain fog is that it acts as a happy drug. I was giggling manically on the train because... wait for it... we were delayed. It seemed funny at the time.

We are all a bunch of sillies and woesies. We are the ones to make a subject taboo. We can break it. And get days off work for pea soup brain. It is in the best interests of all of us.

So. Is anyone still out there? Will any male read my blog again? I'm sorry. I won't attempt such a bloody uncomfortable topic any time soon. Narf.