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Tuesday, 6 January 2009

Brain Freeze!


There were rumours of -9 degrees in Oxfordshire these last few days. -9! Oxfordshire is where I work. I can safely say that that is the coldest degree I have ever had the pleasure of entertaining.

Ok so it is only a measly -5 where I live. But to even survive in close proximity to -9 degrees surely warrants some kind of Brownie achievement badge or something, no?

I cannae cope, Cap'n. I doon't have the poower. I am an engine streamlined for 100% humidity and, like, bananas.

It doesn't help that we have no central heating, double glazing or other such requirements for the Northern hemisphere. All we have is a ridiculous electric heater bolted to the wall that heats one cubic millimeter of air around it. If it wasn't for BFG acting as a personal hot water bottle I don't think I would still be alive.

I know these temperatures are piddling for some people, out there with the yaks. But you yak people must surely be superhuman? How can you survive below -9? It just doesn't make any sense.

I wanna live in Jamaica.... Jamaica.... where the bananas are apparatus for the bobsled team; daylight come and me wanna go home...

Sorry, my last neuron froze and all seems a bit hazy and inc-c-c-coherent right now. Is that a tarantula going past on banana skis?

15 comments:

LadyFi said...

LOL! I sympathize - really I do! NO central heating! By gad - it's like living in the middle ages!

I've never been as cold as I have in England. It's minus a lot of degrees C here - but we are nice and cozy inside with underfloor, central heating, sealed windows, insulation and other mod cons!

That's how we yak people survive!

po said...

It still doesn't make any sense, yak person

6000 said...

Grrr. Lucky you. It's foolish hot here. I'm going to have to get into the swimming pool as soon as I get home. What a pain...

Medio Pomelo said...

Insulation in English homes are a laugh! I remember how the wind blew under the window and I slept in my beany!
Last weekend I was in Transylvania skiing. No bragging but it was -26 one morning. The locals were happily pedalling from village to village with no gloves or hats on...

Dash said...

hahahahah! Yaks... It only got as low as 9 today, but that was cold enough for me... I don't know how you survive in pommie land.

Rox said...

Sheesh, sounds hell. Cape Town winters are bad enough for all the torrential rain, hail and gale force winds, but at least it's not that cold.

And of course summers are cooking - today started off with rain, now it's hot hot hot.

P.S. You need those microwave happy huggers, which are filled with beans or something and you can heat them safely over and over again (I know this because I go through them once a year, and over-zap them).

po said...

6000: could we not arrange a cultural exchange or something? you might like England, it has all history and castles and stuff. Is it true you ride to work on elephants?

Medio pomelo: well most people have more sensible heating than us, ours is archaic!

dash: sadly 9 is now positively hot for me, although in my home town that is pretty damn cold

rox: those things sound good, I want one!

Rox said...

Most chemists should have them, at least they do here anyway.

Tamara said...

I've missed your blog, Po. It's good to be reading you again, frozen neurons and all ;-)

Just nominated you for "Most Humourous Blog" in the Weblogs awards: http://2009.bloggies.com/.

po said...

Tamara: wow, thank you so much!

Prixie said...

im shivering
im cold
may leg it to SA

LadyFi said...

Po - as an ex-pat in the UK, you are warmly invited to join our Blog Carnival... More info here: http://ladyfi.wordpress.com/2009/01/07/the-quest-for-strange-shores/

You can send in any links if you think you have any posts about you and life in Britain. Some of those Little Britain theatre pieces were hilarious - for example...

Irish Chicken Soup said...

I can't imagine that. I've never seen below about 38 degrees my whole life.

Hang in there. >.<

po said...

irish chicken soup: I am talking in degrees celsius, but I am thinking, do you mean Fahrenheit? I think you use Fahrenheit in the US?

Jeanne said...

Hear hear - can somebody please tell me WTF has been up with this weather?? It's the coldest I've been and I've been here 8 years! And all the Brits going "oh this isn't so cold" while cheerfully shovelling snow in their T-shirts. Yak people indeed.

We happily DO have central heating and double glazing so generally not a problem indoors... until out boiler died (again!) on 2 Jan. Aaarrrgh!