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Thursday, 15 January 2009

Free willy


Ah yes. When one has nothing to say, one can always trawl through one's past for slightly disturbing overshare.

I have a bit of a phobia of train underpasses or subways. This stems from when I lived in Cape Town and used to walk everywhere. The first reason is that I was mugged in a subway by two guys with knives. Back then I didn't even own a cellphone. They got away with 50 cents. They didn't seem to want Eminem though. Go figure.

The second reason is this. One time I was walking to the UCT Medical School through Mowbray train station. Hmm, need I say more? I was fearless back then and walked through the subway instead of going over the bridge.

The station is usually quite busy but this time I happened to be alone in the tunnel. Except for this guy. Who had his penis hanging out. It was huge. It was hard to miss, is all I am saying. He saw me and started walking towards me. I ran for my life. Luckily other people came into the subway at that time.

There are two explanations for this chain of events. One, the guy was taking a piss, and got a fright when I popped up, and tried to reassure me that he was not a crazed rapist-pervert-flasher. Two, he was a crazed rapist-pervert-flasher who wanted to use me for his twisted fantasies. I am going with number one. But dude. Ladies use subways too. Keep it in your pants.

Did I mention it was huge?

So that is why when I enter a subway, even today in the UK, my heart pounds, just a little. You never know what you can meat (and two veg) down there, be it Frankenwiener, or a trousersnake.

Free is a relative term. Can Willy not be free, but in a covered-up, I don't have to actually see your freedom with my own eyes kind of way?


15 comments:

Dash said...

dude, really? he didn't want eminem? there had to have been a moment there where you said 'this joke really isn't good enough'. tell me there was, so i can continue to come back! ;)

sleepyjane said...

OHMYGOD Po you are hilarious! This post made me laugh like a maniac. More so than other times. Mmm.

I should work on that huh?

LadyFi said...

Oh - that is seriously funny (and scary too)!!

I've met many a flasher in my day and pointing and laughing at their weiners works every time - better than an icy cold shower...

Tay said...

Whaa haa, great post!

Being Brazen said...

must have been damn scary at the time...but so funny reading about it now :)

6000 said...

Yeah - I'm sorry about that - I was just having a wee though.

Didn't mean to scare anyone. Sorry again...

Tamara said...

That photo is classic! I will now be scared of subways on your behalf.

Louisa said...

That's a bit disturbing. Shame man you must have gotten quite a fright.

I once saw a guy ummmm self-loving on the shoulder of the highway - apparently you also get people with peak hour traffic fetishes? *shrug* I hooted at him and he waved it at me. Idiot.

po said...

Dash: sorry, that joke was the highlight of my day! Corny is my middle name.

sleepyjane: maniacal laughter is always good to scare the workmates.

ladyfi: hmm, will try to remember that, but the last thing I felt like was laughing right then.

Tay: thanks.

BB: I was disturbed because it took me a while to figure out what the hell just happened!

po said...

6000: hate to be racist, but um, I doubt any white man could be that well endowed :)

Tamara: it amused me, but I really have a very basic sense of humour.

Louisa: eeuw, good grief. At least you were safe in your car though.

Prixie said...

cani say i just have a general fear of subways cos they stink?

po said...

Prixie: yes! they always smell of urine. Why guys, why?

6000 said...

Because... guys urinate it them?

Meh - I'm not called The Boerewors Boy for nothing.

Medio Pomelo said...

Funny post! :o)
yes, subways stink everywhere. In Budapest they are crammed with homeless, prostitutes, beggars and pickpockets. Walking through a subway always reminds me of a bit of a secret agent mission. Walking as fast as I can, looking strictly at the floor, holding on my bag tight... Not nice.

Irish Chicken Soup said...

That's how I used to feel walking around in the underground in Miami. I always felt like I was seconds away from ending up on CrimeTV.