Thursday, 29 January 2009

Talk to the cactus.

A cactus disguised as a pineapple.

I am such an angry bunny right now. Why, why? This is so not me. It is not even hormonal.

I am usually the most passive, easy going person on the planet. And of course because I am polite and repressed I am not taking the anger out on anyone. But this is probably a good thing, because there is no specific target. I am just generally angry.

I let people take too much from me. I let people walk all over me. Because I am weak, but also because I expect and take very little from others and I assume that people all behave like me. FAIL.

I have very little to give, emotionally. I am a small person with small reserves, but I am open and certain people tend to take and take until there is nothing left and then I crack and go beserk.

I just have no life skills.

Also I am angry about being South African right now. For some reason it is hacking me off. I know this is irrational, and some would argue that I am not even one anymore. Whatever. Tell that to the visa people. It is just so much effort, emotionally and everythingly. I want to be something effortless.

French. There is something so unquestionable about being French. French people know who they are and how they fit into the world. And when they say "quoi?" it is as if they are questioning the very fabric of existence at a primordial level, not just the meaning of sandwiches. And the answer is always: "whatever is French".

Also I am just generally angry that my friends and relatives and random acquaintances don't think exactly like me. So inconvenient. It means all this admin of arguing and going round in circles, and in the end I always cave in because it is not worth the hassle. So pay attention: I am right and you are wrong, and suck on that and don't argue and bow to the master ok?

Gah. I should become a hermit on a hill somewhere. Only people seeking my infinite wisdom shall be allowed to enter. I shall tell them about how to do a handspin and how to use a pipette and send them off to impress their friends.

And slowly, slowly, I shall start to talk to my cartoon turtle tattoo until he answers back.

His name is Norm, by the way.

No he didn't tell me, I am not on the hill yet.

Bob, my pet cactus told me. He is a bit of a prick, but to the point.


boldly benny said...

I can totally relate, I also tend to give so much of myself and expect the same in return.
I learnt the hard way that just because you are certain kind of friend, does not mean your friends will be that type of friend back... sucks!

Goblin said...

One of the reasons I love your blog so much is that I can relate on so many levels...

Be strong Po-Meister. And take out that anger on something sometimes...just don't break your hand by punching a wall. It's not nice.

LadyFi said...

I know I shouldn't be laughing... but you crack me up... I do, of course, sympathize with you too! Even if I'm a yak person...

Tamara said...

Your catcus sounds hilarious.

It's ok to be angry. And isn't it cool to be able to blog it all out? When someone pisses me off, I find myself thinking, "I'm SO blogging about this!"

momcat said...

Looks like most of us of feeling a wee bit frustrated at the moment!

6000 said...

I am having a great day, but reading Koosh and you has brought me right down.
Are you sisters?
Or perhaps getting all your 2009 PMT out in January?

Meh - you like the French - move to France and learn to poo while squatting. No fun. Quoi?

Incidentally, French for sandwich is "le sandwich". I don't know what that says, but it says something. And now my word verification is "frogi".
Someone is up there, teasing me and annoying you. He's probably French.

Dash said...

if it takes a good mood to make a bad pun funny - then i think you should do it more often.

it'll pass po. just ignore the world for a while. no friends, no coffees, no catch-ups...just take some you time..

Medio Pomelo said...

Po,you are so lucky to be South African! You can go and live in that gorgeous country if you want to. I can't do it! Not legally, anyways. Plus you probably understand cricket, which is also a privilege!

If you are mad angry doesn't a good old plate-smashing foot-stomping help you?

po said...

boldly benny: I don't think I am a very good friend actually, but maybe I try to give myself some distance from the needy ones...

Goblin:I took it out on my blog and it strangely helped. Especially being ridiculously corny, for some reason that always makes me feel better ;)

I am not good at venting anger any more; as a kid we fought and shouted too much and I seem to have gone the other way and make use of passive aggression now. Not very healthy, I know.

ladyfi: I learned today on peas on toast's blog that the mating call of the yak is nyyyyeuk. Is that correct?

Tamara: oh yes, I felt like it was my only outlet actually, once I had no direct target. Actually, on reading this post again, the cause of all this anger is mostly myself. How annoying.

momcat: I know. There are a lot of annoyed bloggers out there at the mo. We got the January blues?

po said...

6000: Me , pmt? Never.

But people from many countries squat and poo, not just ze french, n'est-ce pas?

French people and sandwiches are hilarious. They just don't get them. They cannot comprehend that you could eat what is essentially a piece of bread for lunch. I have been "quoi'd" many times by many French people over this.

Dash: excellent advice, but have to wait til the weekend and smile and grit my teeth til then. This weekend I will lock myself away, for the safety of others of course.

medio pomelo: hmm right now I would love to be something else. Being South African can be like a ball and chain for many reasons.

Rox said...

I am very easy going 99% of the time, but my 1% moods sometimes make me lose sight of the general peace and quiet.

I take everything personally, and I hate it when things go wrong - they don't even have to go wrong for that 1% mood avalanche to hit though, I just need to wake up funny to get that mindless anger and ughness some days.

You just have to ride those days out, and be selfish. Sounds awful, but it works.

P.S. You also have to learn to not be so hard on yourself - I make a conscious effort to not do this... hard but it is important.