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Monday, 26 January 2009

"And how big is your Hubby's extension?"


I hate to think of myself as a judgemental bitch, but I am one. The meanest and most unnecessary things pop into my mind sometimes, with very little prompting.

I think it all stems from my lack of people skills. I have been to three social gatherings in the last week and every time I meet new people, I find myself prejudging them on the first things they say. Sometimes this week I was thinking, if I hear one more thing about the property market or sizes of kitchens or how to reattach a radiator to the wall I may request a lobotomy. I will sell my frontal lobes on ebay. Pickled or sauteed, you choose.

But that is so bitchy. Certain people are at a certain stage in their lives where housey things are apparently very interesting and absorbing. I am just not at that stage. Maybe one day I will be at that stage, causing premature neuron death in someone else.

And please, homeowners and other lovers of domesticity out there, do not be offended. It's not you, it's me. I am the one with the problem here. I simply have refused to enter into the normality of life, and the reason these conversations bore me is because I honestly have no idea what people are talking about.

What is the best way to insulate the house, who did the wallpapering in your living room (why wallpaper? I will never understand this bizarre and disturbing phenomenon), when is the best time to buy, which neighbourhood is good, how much is a new digital tv.... I swear I had the urge to shout "penis!" during these very mature concersations just to see what would happen.

I know the answers to none of these questions. The BFG and I are definitely not a normal couple. We own no house. We live in a bachelor flat in a neighbourhood full of druglords and arsonists. We have no TV. I have never gardened, or shopped for a washing machine and I have no idea why people would build a fireplace in their house if they then attach an electric or gas fake fire to it. Why people, why?

The thing is, I don't think I am better than these people, (ok except momentarily in my initial bitchy phases) although their conversations do isolate and bore me. Instead I am wondering, what the hell went wrong in my upbringing? I am so out of it, so far removed from being a well adjusted member of society. I just have no clue about the daily workings of life. I live in my head and am in too deep to come back down.

I accept I am a freak of nature. But this makes interacting with normal society quite painful. I miss university days when you were assured of meeting other freaks and were able to fit into your own feak microcosm and pretend you were normal.

Feel free to point me out when you hear me discussing floor tiles and loft extensions. I am sure it will happen one day. I know I should grow up and be serious and behave like an adult, preferably before I turn 30.


PENIS!

15 comments:

sleepyjane said...

No need to feel bad. If it's not your thing, then it's not your thing. :)

Personally I judge people when they go on about how much stuff they have. Like having an expensive house with expensive furnishings will make you more interesting. I always want to say: "You may have nice things but it doesn't change the fact that you're an asshole".

One of my friends' brother is like that. Drives me up the wall.

Charlotte said...

The problem is: you live in England.

I did for four years and the Brits are unaccountably obsessed with the workings of their domestic spheres to the point of excruciating boredom.

I recommend an immediate move to the continent. It's better here, even in Germany.

Tamara said...

Having moved into a new house and being completely obsessed with it, I thought I'd be one of the people you find so dull. But seeing I don't discuss insulation or wallpaper or the new TVs, I guess I'm not. Phew! Lucky for me, hey? But I probably would bore you to the point of lobotomy with talking about my vegetable garden - I still can't believe it's mine! And mielies are so worht talking about, ne? ;-)

po said...

Tamara: mielies are definitely worht talking about! We used to have mielied in our Garden in Sa too.

sleepyjane: I am sure one day my new favourite subject will be furnishings too

Charlotte: so very true. The adage "every Englishman's home is his castle" is so very very true. Homing is a very important hobby in the UK.

But I guess I was too young in SA to know if people talk about that stuff too.

6000 said...

You'll get there when you get you own place. It happens.

I think it's a healthy hobby - it's nice to have your place as YOU like it - as long as it's not stupidly obsessive, but then that goes for every pastime apart from beer and football.

Love the comment from germany - reminded me of the line: "Oh, you should see Berlin now we've knocked the two states into one - so much mre roomy!"...

6000 said...

P.S. Yes - it's also big business in SA too - especially north of the Boerewors curtain... if you see what I mean...

Sass said...

No, you don't need to feel bad or to ever find these things worthy of mature conversation.

I'm 32, mother of 3, and I'd LOVE to shout PENIS at any random moment. I have too many tattoos, love to dance in the kitchen, and think the people who can only discuss their stocks, their houses, and their cars are the ones with issues.

Embrace it, Po. And pray it doesn't go away. ;)

PENIS!!!!!!!!

po said...

6000: what, do they compare who has the best looking curtain of boerewors? The most juicy?

I know I know. Personally I do get excited about the thought of painting rooms, I think of walls as my very own huge canvas and can go nuts. I like colours :)

Sass: yay, for all those who wish to shout penis on occasion!

LadyFi said...

Hilarious! I'm British, and yet know nothing about homing (or homing pigeons) or home-making or DIY ... I was better at talking about the weather! I was always freezing in Britain, which is why I moved to Sweden...

People used to say I looked like Vanessa Redgrave - but now it's all Diane Keaton ... I must have morphed.

Rox said...

Ugh, it's like baby talk. I guess every circle will have 'hot topics' - generally though I'm lucky enough to have a diverse crew who talk about all sorts of stuff... never just one topic, which eliminates all that mindless rant stuff.

I only really judge when people don't show any sensitivity or consideration and are judgmental themselves. They can waffle on to their heart's content about babies or bonds, and I will smile and nod even if I'm not listening at all, but try and brag or act superior and I will get annoyed.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

ha ha ha ha
i would never invite you to my house
if im not talking about 'property developing'
im talking about interior decorating' lol

po said...

LAdyfi: I totally see how you needed to move somewhere like Sweden. Makes complete sense.

I talk about the weather constantly. I incur premature brain death in people all the time. That and politics. For some reason I am obsessed with politics at dinner parties. So trust me, there are probably people out there right now blogging about an insufferable seamonkey who just won't shut up...

Rox: my previous group of friends spoke exclusively about climbing. I mean, I love climbing, but this was insane. They used to break down every move of the routes they did and analyse each one. Death-inducing I tell you.

miss definitely maybe: what about that penis you saw the other day? That is worth an hour of conversation at least!

Brit' Gal Sarah said...

OMG LMAO at Penis, in fact nearly fell off my overstuffed love-seat - oops sowwy! ;-)
Oh and I totally agree with the commenter about living in the UK. Americans at least in my area, are far less home obsessed and I'm not sure they'd even know what a property ladder is!

I understand, having CHOSEN not to have kids. I may be a school secretary but I leave it at the door and don't want to hear all about little jimmy for hours on end!

Thanks for dropping in..

Goblin said...

Don't grow up!

I'm with you though. People start talking about that stuff and I just turn off, go to my own private world and nod at the appropriate moments.

It's so beige.

po said...

Brit gal: I thought it was just me because I really am just oblivious to that kind of normality. But British people do love their homes, there is no denying it.

Goblin: you are exactly right. Beige is exactly the colour I associate with these conversations. Or taupe.