Monday, 12 January 2009

Brain fog taboo

It's time I brought up an uncomfortable subject. Well, uncomfortable to some people, but not to me. I may never have another reader. Assuming I do in the first place.

Tell me, why is it not ok to talk about
menstruation? Huh? Huh? All women go through it once a month, it is almost like breathing. But any mention of it causes most women to blush and most men to run for the hills.

I suffer from a variety of unpleasant side effects from this heinous monthly plague, but every three months or so I get brain fog. Brain fog is worse than all the others. It is like my brain is being pickled in pea soup. I had a bad case on Friday.

On those days I cannot access my brain. My thought processes, memories, motor functions, all shut down. And trying to get hold of them is like finding my way through thick fog. It is just awful. It is such a weird and powerless feeling.

These are the days at work when my sample tubes explode, or I set fire to things, or my experiments prove that dinosaurs evolved from a ham sandwich. On these days absolutely anything can happen. I have no control. In some ways it is quite liberating, because I just give up and enjoy the ride. But on the whole I think it would be best if I was banned from coming to work on those days. For the health of all those around me.

So wouldn't it be great if I could say to my boss, "Brain fog day! Mad hormones have hijacked my brain! You really don't want me at work today. The rest of the time I am perfectly capable and functioning (mostly) but trust me, today you want me to go home".

But no. If I tried to explain this to him he would die, or never look me in the eye again or just fire me and hire a man. And that is just so dumb.

I spent the whole of Friday going "What? He said something.... jam. Did he say jam? No... ham... spam... exam? Oh. Leaf. He said leaf. And a leaf is what, exactly?"

I should have been somewhere safe, a padded cell perhaps. But instead I conducted actual experiments requiring actual thought power, and I am sure those results shall tell me that the moon is made of Cheddar fleas.

I also spent a good few minutes trying to put my shoe on the wrong foot. My friend just laughed and put my brain fog down to the weather. "We all get it some times."

No. No. It is not the freaking weather. I would love to just say to him that it is caused by hormone frenzy, and I am not usually such an idiot. But again, he would be embarrased and uncomfortable and it is not fair for me to put him in that position so I just gave up.

The plus side to my brain fog is that it acts as a happy drug. I was giggling manically on the train because... wait for it... we were delayed. It seemed funny at the time.

We are all a bunch of sillies and woesies. We are the ones to make a subject taboo. We can break it. And get days off work for pea soup brain. It is in the best interests of all of us.

So. Is anyone still out there? Will any male read my blog again? I'm sorry. I won't attempt such a bloody uncomfortable topic any time soon. Narf.


6000 said...

Liverpool playing at home again, love?

Nah - the silly side of hormones, I can handle. It's when you women suddenly go CRAZY "ARGH HANCK HACK BIN BAG ACID BATH" MENTAL for (outwardly) absolutely no reason whatsoever that I run away and hide.

That you are allowed to drive/operate heavy machinery/play with ethidium bromide/hold sharp things during your brain fog moments is also fine. As long as it's not near me.

Tamara said...

Still here ;-)

I seriously wish every man could experience that JUST ONCE. It would be enough to change the world, dontcha think?

Lady Fi said...

I agree with Tamara... if only men knew. But hang on - any man in a relationship does know!! They tiptoe round us asking: is it brain fog time again?

Not talking about it is silly... but I still wouldn't take it up with my boss...

Prixie said...

im still hooked.

men have it quite easy compared to us. i suffer cramps, hot flushes, bloatedness and other weird phenomena.

Rox said...

Takes a lot to freak us lot out!

But ja, I agree with Tamara - if men had any idea what we go through each month, they would have a lot more respect for us.

Cramps are bad enough, it's the 'I hate myself and every item of clothing looks like shit and makes me feel fat and disgusting' stage I hate the most though.

po said...

sjoe, I thought I scared people off forever.

Hectic news! my results proved that the moon is in fact made of Wenslydale fleas!

No, even more shocking, my experiment worked and I got a decent result.

po said...

PS. soeas anyone else get this hectic brain fog aka stupidity, or is it just me?

Medio Pomelo said...

Po, I'm truly amazed: my mother tongue is not English (its Hungarian) and I do say "I have a foggy brain today" on those days! I never heard anyone else use it before and it's a feeling that cannot be described more accurately than comparing it to fog and I really thought it was only me because no one else I know ever says that!
A great and precise description of that awful feeling of dullness, thanks for that! :)

po said...

medio pomelo: yeah it is just like fog right? or soup. It is so unlike any other feeling, I hate it so much. Specially when dealing with brainy people who rattle stuff off at you!

6000: what is this "Liverpool" thingy? A euphimism? I need to know these things to blend in with local lingo. Not that I will ever get to say it but hey.

po said...

medio pomelo: ps how come your english is so amazingly good?

Medio Pomelo said...

Blush blush... I'm qualified as an English teacher (but have become a whore of the corporate world)... thanks for the compliment :)

DT said...

Po I am not sure if it is brain-fog I get, it is more like turning into a super sensitive super bitch!
What amazes me is how in a world of so much sophistication we still have to struggle with this!

The Blonde Blogshell said...


Good question! It's natural!

Quite frankly, I'm outraged by the price of tampons ad pads....condoms are given frely by Government, I think that those things should be made available to us at no cost.
It's not like we wanted this plague every month!

Bah! Hate it!

Goblin said...

I don't really get PMS, and I don't get cramps but I get the worst migraines imaginable.

And then when you try and explain to people why in the hell you can't work, they tell you to just take a myprodol and you'll be fine. Ha!

Then I kill them.

I don't know about the brain fog though...maybe I just don't realise what a moron I'm being at the time :P

Miss Caught Up said...

Interesting. I get migraines about once every three months.. Other than that I might have a minor cramp..

I hate being a woman sometimes :(

po said...

damn you gusy don't get brain fog. maybe I am seriously just losing it!

Dash said...

cramps, hot flushes, bloatedness?

I get that! But I call it gas. I think there are other subjects that are taboo, for example, girls don't like it when guys congratulate one another on the volume, harmony and length of a fart, or when they describe the size of their recent nugget, sometimes claiming that the simple action helped them lose 2 kilos.

Seriously 'guys have it better than girls'? Have you ever been kicked in the nads?

No, in all seriousness, I don't envy women the rag/time of the month/'not this week sorry honey'/OMG i hate you get out of my life/period thing. I've never had a problem talking about it with my friends, but then, I'm not your average guy ;) I do draw the line where complete strangers tell me about it or when I am on a first date.

I think you might find its a bizarre situation where guys might get period envy - they don't understand / experience it so they make it taboo. Girls don't help by reinforcing that practice though.

Darkchocolate said...

I used to leave in brain fog land most of my days. I grew to like it there ...

Until I changed to the mirena. Like has never been the same since. The red flag never comes for a visit.

I agree that if only men knew....

po said...

dash: I have no problem with guys talking about farts. ok, well, within limits!

P.S. cannot find you on twitter. have you given up. I am poseamonkey if you are still interested

Darkchocolate: what is this mirena? It sounds great!