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Saturday, 13 December 2008

storm in a teacup


The other day I wrote that the universe was kicking me in the nads. I take it back. I have gained some perspective. Various people I know are going through private hells right now. Their lives are at that "being ripped apart" stage. And I was feeling sorry for myself over what was essentially a timetable clash. 

I can be so super-self absorbed sometimes it is not even funny. We all have times when the world truly seems to collapse around us. This is not one of those times for me. I should be making the most of that, so when it does fall down, I have some good times to look back on.

I do find it hard to separate myself from other people's problems though. How do I go about enjoying myself when other people are in hell? I feel too guilty. I know it makes no sense, I may not even be near the person, so me feeling bad and stalled by their problems does not help them in one tiny way. But I almost feel like I don't own my own life, that I consist of other people's opinions and expectations of me. And if someone feels anguish, I feel like I should be feeling it too. It is all a bit confusing. 

And I seem to have changed the topic to "me" again. I am good at that. Perhaps if I learn to "own" myself, then I won't be so self absorbed?

Sometimes I think I need therapy because I can't teach myself this kind of thing. But don't we all?

10 comments:

Moe Wanchuk said...

You're not alone. My life turns into all about ME, WAY TOO MUCH!
I forget how lucky I am, to be where I am.

Being Brazen said...

you are definitely not alone.

PS - I think most of us need some serious therapy :)

LadyFi said...

Well, at least realizing this, is a good start!

You can feel sympathy for others, but it is good to try to have a little distance too, and a good dose of positive attitude usually helps others. That - and a shoulder to cry on. And maybe some chocolate digestives...

Goblin said...

As far as I understand it...if you take the time to realise you're being self absorbed and feel guilty because it's a supposedly miniscule problem compared to someone elses...then you're not really as self absorbed as you think.
And sometimes, taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for others.

Rox said...

If you were really self-absorbed, you wouldn't be so emphatic either - and I am also prone to storms in tea cups.

MidniteGem said...

I know what you mean - i think we all go through this. And it does mean that we just care about other people so in turn it means we arent as selfish as we feel. But sometimes you do have to be selfish and make sure that you look after yourself. I had to move to another country to get away from other peoples issues so that I could learn what it was like just to be me.

po said...

moe: I know, even when I talk to other people about their problems, "me" comes into it!

BB: I think so too, we are all blind to our own problems right?

ladyfi: I am no good at the comforting thing. When I see tears I want to run!

Goblin: I think that is true. I just have to figure out how to separate self and others and all will be good.

Rox: Yeah, weird how sorry I felt for myself last week over nothing really!

Midnite gem: hectic! I hear that though. I really do suffer when other people do but not in a constructive way at all.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

I think 'therapy' should be a compulsory stage of life like adolescence or middle life crisis, or menopause lol
but Im the complete opposite of you my life revolves around other people way too much, to the extent where it becomes self denial.

Miss T said...

to each of us are problem are very real and just as hard as those expereinced by others. You are allowed to feel that way :)...of course will always be someone way worse off than you but it doesnt mean your problems aren't real

Dash said...

i think i'm different to everyone else here when I say I really don'tunderstand what you re talking about. you are too self absorbed but you feel other people's anguish? That doesn't make sense, and I'm sure you know it.

Please don't take this the wrong way, as without knowing you this is a complete stab in the dark, and i really like your writing, seems likethere's a very interesting person inside....BUT my observations have always been that people that claim that they feel other people's pain more than their own are either unbearable, or deluding themselves. So don't be one of those,take things as they come and just deal with one issue at a time.

Enjoy the you time, just share it around a bit.