I am struggling right now. I have that drowning feeling. I am just so very sad. I thought that it would go away but I have felt like this for a while . I'm hoping it will disappear in time. It usually does.
This mostly relates to work, one way or another. I am not coping very well at work. There are so many interwoven and interconnected reasons why work is dragging me down that I don’t even know where to begin unravelling them in order to make sense of it all. Never mind trying to explain it on this blog. In fact I have decided to start a new blog for my eyes only, in an attempt to figure it all out. This stuff is not for the eyes of the blogosphere. Not because it is too private, but just because no one else should have to be subjected to such miserable negativity.
What I really need is some space from work in order to think things through. But therein lies part of the problem. All I do right now is work. I get home at 7pm or after and then I find it impossible to distance myself from things when they are going badly. And going badly they are.
But there I am trying to explain things and that is not my intention.
I need to hide away from this blog until I can unravel the confused strands of my misery to at least think of ways to make the situation better. My self confidence and self-belief, always low, are at rock bottom at the moment.
So I am going to go and crawl into my sad little hole for a few days (I hope that is all it takes) until I can be persuaded to take the mickey out of myself again. That always makes me feel better.
If I tried to write anything now it would just be sad and twisted, like me.