Fat panda Po
I don't mean to be running an illicit Womens' magazine here (although that does sound intriguingly naughty) but I am back on the subject of the boy creatures.
Usually when I write something, be it an assignment, or a blog post or just something random, I show it to the BFG. And always, always, he is brutally honest. He often tells me that it is silly, or that he doesn't get it, or else he just makes a grunting noise. And I am so grateful for this.
Of course I am crushed at the time, but I value his honesty greatly. For the times when he bursts out laughing, or says he really likes something. Because then I know that he really means it, and is not just humouring me.
So where does this brutish honesty disappear to in other areas of life?
Like, for instance, I have been eating like a possessed Pac Man lately, and my clothes are feeling suspiciously tight. I do not own a scale, for they are mean and probably lie anway, and cause scary obsessive behaviour that is best avoided.
So I thought I could use the BFG as my fat barometer. All I wanted to know was if I should eat one less crunchy nut cornflake per day, or try to relocate the gym (it appears to be hiding from me at the moment). After all, he does see me nekkid every day and spoon me every night in a loving embrace (puke now if you must), so he should know.
I asked if he could tell if I was getting fatter.
His answer was: "WhatNO I don't know, you are a bit cuddly maybe, please don't beat me, am I in trouble now?"
So silly. Men are always going on about women being complicated, and not knowing what we want. Let me clear it up for you once and for all. Except on certain occasions, which should be glaringly obvious*, when we need you to lie and to lie well, we want your complete and bare-faced honesty.
Of course the truth hurts, and you are likely to recieve a verbal lashing, a thorough beating, and no sex for quite some time, but in the end we will be grateful to you. We just want you to be straight with us. We rely on your honesty because no one else will give it to us.
*please don't tell me you can't tell? What is wrong with you? You are so insensitive, are you blind? You know nothing about me after all these years, you have no feelings I hate you...