Yesterday I caught the BFG applying my self tanning body cream to his face.
I encourage him to moisturise after shaving on occasion because otherwise he looks like the Sahara. But he just grabs the first bottle he finds off my dressing table without even looking at what it is. It could be haemerrhoid cream ferfuxaches. Not that I would ever have such a thing on my dressing table.
I do not have hemmorhoyds ok, it was just an example. I don't even know what heammemememeroids are, or how to spell them.
I informed him that he might want to avoid that cream as he could wake up looking patchy and orange. So he grabbed the next bottle, which happened to be another self tanning body moisturiser, one that I had rejected because it is super orange and streaky and also contains glitter.
Something, some stupid, evil thing, made me stop him.
How could I have averted waking up to a boyfriend looking like a glitter-covered carrot? It would have been hysterical.
Work is reducing me to tears at the moment. Well, not literally because for some reason I have the inability to cry, even when I really really need to. But I am crying inside. Nothing works, not even the most basic things. I kept telling myself that things would get better as they always do, but that was weeks ago, and things keep getting worse. I find myself retreating into a reserved terrified shell of silence and self doubt.
So why the crap did I not let my boyfriend smother himself in glitter and have a good laugh? This could have been the highlight of my entire week.
Sigh. I am clearly too good for this world. One can only hope he makes the same mistake again. There are good odds.