Wednesday, 27 May 2009

Feeling all at sea.

The tide of my terrible time at work was broken yesterday. Stuff worked. Lots of stuff all at once. Granted this may only be one day's grace, and it will all go to pot on Thursday. But it came at a good time. I don't think I could have taken much more.

On Friday I was basically catatonic. Another day of nothing working, after more than a month. Even the fundamental shit that should not be a problem was screwed. My only explanation at that point was that aliens came in the night and deactivated all of my enzymes, and zapped me with a plague of flies while they were at it.

I was feeling so bad, my self-esteem was squashed like a flea. When I feel like that I completely dissociate from the world. I cannot speak to people.


So people bloody well speak to me don't they? And then I just want to run away or bawl or something equally antisocial.

I know, I am a freakazoid. When I feel bad, having people around me drains me. Some people need other people around them for comfort, I am the opposite. I need time alone to find my way back to myself.

Ever since I have been feeling bad about work, all that I can think about is the ocean. Very specifically the Indian Ocean, and most specifically, the stretch along Kwa Zulu Natal, which is in South Africa if you did not happen to know. That rough, warm stretch with the sharkies, both the rugger-bugger and the sharptoothed kinds.

Somehow the damn Indian ocean has dug it's salty claws into me and won't let go, and I have no idea why. As I have said before, we never even visited it much when I lived no more than 20 minutes away. But last year I did spend over a week swimming in it every day, from Durban beach front to Mhlanga to Sharka's Rock, tumbling around like a deranged pebble in those crazy waves.

Lately that ocean has been my only source of comfort. It is a calming vision in my chaotic mind. I keep telling myself that if things get really bad, and I lose my job due to gross incompetence or an alien invasion, all I need is money for a flight.

Then I can go and live by the ocean: in a tent, or a box or a palm leaf, or in the nude, or in a nice person's luxury apartment, whatever, and learn to fish, and eat bananas (I freaking hate bananas but I will persevere) or other people's leftover Steers burgers.

And I can swim and swim and tumble, and hear that soothing sound, and somehow, because of that intoxicating all-powerful ocean, everything will be alright.

Except for if I get munched on by a shark.

If I did, it would probably be an alien disguised as a shark, because the bastards are clearly out to get me. I hope the bananas give him a really bad feeling in his bowels.


LadyFi said...

Focus on the positive - that stuff worked for a whole day! Woo hoo!

As for the alien invasion, they haven't come as sharks but as flies... ;-)

Being Brazen said...

*hugs* feel better soon. I agree with Ladyfi - focus on the positive

Anonymous said...

Whooooo! I'm glad you had a good day. Sometimes they SO make up for the crappy ones.

Tamara said...

I also NEVER went to the beach when we lived in Debbin, but I do so love that ocean. Durban beaches are not as picture perfect as Cape Town beaches, but you can spend hours picking up cool shells, exploring rock pools, actually swimming (which I dont' think I ever mustered the courage to do in Cape Town's icy waters) and providing banana-flavoured meals for sharks.

Ches said...

Po - You put the Po in Po-sitive. :) Corny, I know.

Go the Sharks!

momcat said...

The thing about the sea is that however old we get or wherever we go or how difficult our lives get, the sea seems to stay the same. Its quite comforting. Glad to know that you have fond memories of Durbs as peeps I have spoken to lately are all about Gauteng or the Cape (also good) but quite negative about Durbs. I still think our climate is the best in the country. Not too much cold weather for us.

po said...

Hello bloggers, thanks for all the comments, I just got back from London and an completely exhausted. As I did not work today I could not discover if things are still working. And tomorrow is our work lunch, so I may not find out tomorrow either. I am not complaining!

Spear The Almighty said...

Lol! I miss home, badly. I will be going on holiday in July, I can't wait.

Helen said...

It's amazing how the natal coastline, with all the crazy waves and sharks, can always make me calm!

Hope you feel better soon!

po said...

Spear: me too! I am currently scheming the next trip, although I am so disorganised, it will probably be very last minute.

Helen: I know it's awesome isn't it? I love it when the waves get rough. One time it took me about 15 min to get out of the eater cos every time I stood up a wave knocked me over and dragged me out again!

6000 said...

Mmmm. Steers Burger.... *drool*

Sorry - did you say something else as well?

po said...

6000:hmmm, Steers burger...

sorry were you saying something?