I was just pondering, as I do, on the train, when I am not dreaming of seasheep, about love, the romantic kind.
Love is a positive thing. When you are in love with someone you think they are special, , are interested in what they have to say, think they are sexy beasts. These things all make a person feel wonderful, right?
So then why does love have to be such a hit-and-miss affair? I think you know what I mean if you have
a) been in love with someone who doesn't love you back
b) been in a loving relationship with someone but then fallen out of love
c) been in a relationship when they no longer love you and break up with you but you still love them
These are all crappy situations to be in, and there is so much positive loving energy just going down the toilet. I have been in situations a and c. It feels like you are sending out waves of love that just break around the person like Fanta bubbles. If they aren't into you then the love vibes are no good to them and do not make them feel wonderful. In fact unwanted love can be annoying and embarrassing.
WHY? This is a highly inefficient system damnit, please will some engineer person see to it asap. Optimise the energy inputs and outputs and neural networks and all them other made up things you do. (BFG if you are reading this, engineers are very clever and useful and your optimisation of our walk to work to the nearest millisecond is exactly why I stay with you).
There are so many unloved, lonely, unhappy people out there. It is very rare that two people love each other and continue to do so over time.
Don't you think we should be able to harness all those wasted love vibes for something useful, maybe bottle them and give them to unloved people? Or we could give the bottle to the person we love as a gift so that even if they don't love us back they can still benefit from all the positive vibes we send their way? Maybe they would remember us fondly or something.
Have you ever had the unfortunate experience of investing huge amounts of loving energy into someone who does not return your feelings? It doesn't help to know they don't love you, and will NEVER love you, you will keep producing the pointless love energy until hope and delusion finally decide to die.
The world seems to run off entropy. Maybe us unloved lovers are what makes the world go round with our wasted Fanta bubbles. It would be nice to feel that all that intensity went somewhere, to some use, even if it is putrid orange and gives people gas.
20 comments:
I believe it's the amount of pressure you place on your love, and how much of that comes from the head, and not the heart, that decides the return...
...I believe love is an uncontrolled emotion, and to love someone who doesn't love you back is a nonentity.
Falling out of love means you never really were, in love. Some ideas of love are warpped, completely...until you feel it intirely....cause love can only be reciprocated, love causes fear, love handles emotion. Love is felt in the heart, and not the mind...as some believe, and in turn, get it wrong I'm afraid.
I'm no guru...but I know what love is.
Ps. Nice post Poski, I like :)
I'm just guessing here but shouldn't love energy make the lover feel good irrespective of whether or not that love was wasted? You see I've derived a huge amount of satisfaction from personally writing love letters with no recipient. It's probably more damaging to keep that stuff cooped up inside than letting it out even if you think you are wasting it...
I don't know. I see love as just love. I like to feel it and give it regardless of whether it is returned... because its how I feel and to hide it would be ... a sort of strain on me.
and sometimes I think we think love is flailing because we expect it to emote all the time when in face I think its the commitment.
But I'm also not sure of how I feel about it
Hectic I think my opinion on all this is COMPLETELY different to all of you! That is quite unusual. Will have to respond in detail later.
I thought you were going to say "Love is like fanta - it makes you burp" or something.
Then you got all deep on me.
And then right in the end you made the "gives you gas" point ;-)
Seriously, I think even if you're in the fortunate position of loving someone who loves you back just as much, you need to work at love. Because it's not just happy vibes, it's a choice and a never-ending series of actions.
That is my opinion, anyway.
I totally agree with Tamara
Nice post... And yes - it would be great to dole out all our extra love vibes to those who need it most.
And then you get those love-black-holes who just suck it all up without returning any and it makes everyone around them depressed...
I think that working at love is really important, and there's nothing worse than being in any of those 3 scenarios.
I don't know, sometimes I think its better to stop trying and avoid all those wasted vibes...
Sorry, caught me on a bad day!
"Have you ever had the unfortunate experience of investing huge amounts of loving energy into someone who does not return your feelings? It doesn't help to know they don't love you, and will NEVER love you, you will keep producing the pointless love energy until hope and delusion finally decide to die."
Yes totally, I was so in love with someone that he bought aspects of me I did not like and then had to work through and embrace as part of me. After this process I met my partner who embraces with me such unconditional love I am at times overwhelmed. But, honestly, loving him is easy because he gives so much back. I do agree with Tamara though, you do have to work at it!
i've been through all three :( very deep thoughts to have on the train. i ophe this was ON your way to walk. my brain used to be dead by the home train. now it is dead as i squint in the sun of afternoon traffic.
Ches: interesting theory and you may be right, but I sure have loved someone who didn't love me back - maybe there was too much head involved, I dunno, I kind of see that we probably weren't right for each other? But I don't agree with falling out of love meaning that you never were in love. I really believe you can have love and it can die. Or can have unreciprocated love.
EEbEE: hmmm, my experience of feeling love for someone who did not return it was awful, it did not make me feel good at all. It made me feel inadequate, flawed, sad, heartbroken, confused, hopeful, stubbornly and idiotically persistant, but not good. Not after the first few months anyway.
PAula: what you say about commitment is SO true. In a loooong term relationship you are not going to feel the love every single day, but that does not mean it is not there. You have to be committed to a relationship like a work project, only the best and most important work project of your life cos the returns are so huge!
Tamara: totally agree! And that is exactly what I think when I see the BFG, how lucky am I that he actually loves me back! IT is worth working hard at.
BB:ditto
Ladyfi: hehe it would be ideal. Seeling love pick me ups to the forlorn :)
Helen: never stop trying! Ha I know that is easy for me to say, but since I have felt the misery of unreturned love, I also thought it was not worth trying. But you never know what is around the corner.
Boldly benny: it is an amazing feeling when you find someone who really appreciates you, maybe we are more grateful cos we know what it is like to be rejected?
Prixie: it was! I am mostly a vegetable on the way to and from work, but if a thought is going to creep into my brain it is more likely to occur in the morning. In the evenings I often feel too tired to even get off the train. More than once I have considered just staying on...
'...putrid orange and gives people gas.' HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
On a more serious note, I've never had the luxury of falling in love with anyone, but having been on the recieving end of many people's affections (both male and female), it's not a great feeling. I agree with you entirely. I kinda feel that there should be a way that I could somehow divert their affections for me into something more constructive. I always feel bad that I can't reciprocate for them.
Having said that, being the target of misguided affection can be INCREDIBLY annoying...
(My verification word is 'nonym': an imaginary word that is used when you cannot think of the correct word for something)
loved this post Po!
"The world seems to run off entropy."
There are no limits, there is no shortage, there isn’t a beginning or end and yet somehow it goes unnoticed, unappreciated and yes unused. Such a precious energy. Maybe what Ches says is true – maybe love is only when that feeling is reciprocated, acknowledged and returned. Maybe love is the circle, something complete not a one way energy. That’s why I think once you have it – one should never let go. But I am a bit of a romantic...
LMAO!!!!!! (and sending some love energy your way). NO one can claim to be a success at relationships. YOu are only as successful as your current one and on a balance if you have been in 5 previous relationship and now in another you are no expert at love either coz thats a success rate of 1 out of 5 lol
I've been in situation a. Totally annoying. Especially when you KNOW you're in situation a (you can't even claim delusion later) and you can't bring yourself to so anything about it...
Luke: I know, I have been the reciever of such unwanted attention as well as the giver. It is super awkward, and you know you are hurting the person but chemistry is chemistry and if it aint there there is nothing you can do.
DT: so you reckon unreturned love is not actually love? So what is it then? Lo- ? heehee. But I am interested to know what you think it is, maybe infatutation? It feels like love to me!
qcc: situation a totally sucks. I let my situation drag on forever, sucking up hope from the tiniest things. Eventually something clicked and I realised it was never going to happen, but it took a long time of me being in denial. What a waste of energy.
miss definitely: haha that's true, so the real experts have only one partner!
Po - it is HELL!I just like to think love is a beautiful thing - not a gut wrenching, soul destroying well of misery, I know a bit dramatic - but sometimes unrequited lo- feels like that! :-)
DT: ah I see your point! So ja, we shall have to call it lo.
Brings a whole new meaning to "Sippin' on a cold Fanta piney..."
I'm married to the woman I love - in all my years (quite a few) I have never known an experience like meeting her for the first time. Even though we have been in and out of relationships (prior to finally getting hitched), I have always known that she was the one for me.
Thankfully, it turns out that I am the one for her as well.
I now steer clear of women just in case I ever experience that feeling again as it would lead to HUGE confusion. It makes day-to-day life difficult, but I guess that's the price you pay.
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