If I were to compile a list of the top things tourists can do in South Africa, it would go something like this:
1. Go shark cage diving. Hell no. Hell will sell ice lollies before you get me to play shark biscuit. There is something about those beady eyes that define pure merciless evil to me. I know sharks aren't evil, but they are a good metaphor for evil.
2. Do the world's highest bridge bungy, at Bloukrantz. Sadly no. I am too cowardly. I would need to be pushed really really hard, and would probably pee myself.
3. Tour some wine farms. Have never done this, and would love to, but BFG is highly scornful of the entertainment factor involved. As he is the only one who can drive... I kind of see his point.
4. Go to a game reserve. I could never afford to do this when I was living there so I would love to. But time does not permit in our hectic three week traverse of the country. One day, damnit.
5. Drive the garden route. Did that last time. It rocked. Except one day we encountered about 15 car guards which felt a bit like overkill.
6. Take the cable car up Table Mountain yadda yadda I think we have the general idea.
What I shall actually be doing this trip:
1. Swimming in the sea. Lots and lots. And swimming in sweat too, I surmise.
2. Climbing in the Free State.
3. counting Pep stores.
4. Hopefully, if time allows, visiting the Owl House in Nieu Bethesda. We always heard about this place at school, and I would love to go check it out, but it is a bit off the beaten track.
5. Climbing in the Western Cape, in numerous places.
6. More climbing.
8. Walking up Table Mountain? Not sure if my knees, fitness and general insanity levels are up to this any more.
9. Eating sushi! There are no sushi restaurants where I live, and South African bloggers always seem to be going on about sushi, so please can you recommend somewhere in either Durban or Cape Town (or Harrismith?) for me? I am desperate for a sushi fix!
10. More climbing. There is talk of going to a super special place that has a 9 hour walk in. I fear that I may die attempting this. Perhaps it is better for all involved if I opt to lie on the beach while they do it.
11. Gain probably about 5 kgs from eating NikNaks, Simba chips, Jumping Jaks popcorn, chocolate Pronutro, rusks, astros, Top Deck, Ghost Pops, Pizza with boerewors in the crust... the list goes on. South Africa does good junk food. Unfortunately.
12. Shopping for clothes to deal with the problems associated with 11.
13. Playing spot the dassiedassiedassie!
I am sure I will come up with more activities, but it is already looking more like a boot camp workout than a holiday.
P.S please can someone alert the weather authorities that I want none of this cold front/10 degrees nonsense while I am there. I have plenty of that over here, thank you. I want to melt in a puddle, complaining loads all the while, but secretly loving it.