No snow.

A giant snowball from a happier time.

I am heartbroken, as heartbroken as a South African can be.

The last two weeks I have been hearing snow stories all across the country. The usual stories of deadlocked traffic, stranded trains and planes, closed schools. The Facebook updates of sheer excitement or horror, depending on the nationality of the person. People everywhere have been snowed under. It has never snowed this close to Christmas since I have been here.

It sounds wonderful. I cannot tell you the pleasure snow gives me, and most other South Africans I know. I have known my mom to phone my aunt in South Africa at 1 am just to tell her it was snowing. Snow gives us so much joy.

Snow brings silence, peace. Snow is meditation. Snow makes even my ghetto look beautiful. I can watch snow falling for hours. Snow is like summer rain, it gives me a feeling of calm wonder and centeredness. Snow is zen. Snow brings out my inner child (or idiot). I do the angels and the snowballs and the snowmen and my best thing is just to hear the crunch under my feet.

I really like snow, yeah?

If I can just use a diagrammatic representation loosely based on nothing whatsoever relating to reality:

What I am showing you here is that the whole of the UK, more or less (because it all revolves around London, right? That's what I thought before I got here), has been experiencing wonderful winter wonderland snow these last few weeks, except for the two green patches above. The two green patches are where I live and work.

F@#*ing green patches. Well they are not actually green because we had some sleety snow that then froze so that now everything is covered in ice. I have never experienced this ice madness before, but it is so cold that the roads and the pavements are iced and walking and driving are a little more adventurous than normal. The puddles are solid, man, it's mental.

Ice and freezing temperatures without snow are just ...

unpleasant. <==== please note the strained understatement.

This is what I get for living in the middle of the country.

I hate you, snow fairy. No mince pie for you.