Tuesday, 18 August 2009

It never rains it floods.

Ah yes. What a day yesterday was. A wonderful, successful day, really not.

Fucking hormones. Every month is like a lucky packet for me, I never know what I am going to get. Today I felt no anger, sadness or any kind of irrational emotion. But everything went wrong in that clumsy, haphazard, I-have-no-control-over-the-atoms-in-my-vicinity kind of way.

  • I flooded one of the growth rooms at work. Well, it might have been me. I went around admitting to it, and apologising about it profusely, so everyone thinks it is me. The circumstances pointed to it not being me, but because I am the main user of the place it seemed appropriate for me to be the culprit. But new evidence appears to say it really was not me and now I am really pissed off for apologising. Confusing innit? Either way, I spent all morning scooping up water with a dustpan.
  • My experiment did not work. IT has been MONTHS since that has happened. I have been on a sweeeet roll.
  • I spent about three hours today trying to make sense of this schizophrenic DNA sequence. It does not fit together how it should, it makes no logical sense. Obstinate little fucker.
  • I lost my monthly train pass which costs £255.
  • While looking for my monthly train pass in the train I hit my head on the drinks tray.
  • I made a personal discovery today. Oh the joys of Google. Google is an online shrink and GP, a consultant and friend. These last few months have been full of personal discoveries and revelations that explain things which have been part of my life forever. These are not nice, happy discoveries. And they just keep coming. You find something out, it shocks you but also relieves you because it explains things, you try to accept it, adapt to it, then something else comes along and you just wonder how much more you can take. Please Google, no more revelations just yet, I have had enough for now.

But it really didn't matter, because my emotions are perfectly on track, and I am fine! The flooding kind of amused me, I lose stuff all the time, and the DNA stuff, well, DNA is a spoilt brat. Yay for stable emotions!

The personal revelations are not so cool, but what can I do? Broken is broken and from broken can only come fixing yesnomaybe?



Ches said...

Shame Po. Sounds like you're having a rough week. Bummer about the train pass...sounds like a bottle of wine might help ;)

Hope it improves.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like Life is giving you a good ass kicking. Hopefully it'll move on to someone else soon!

Sending emergency good thoughts and positive vibes!

LadyFi said...

I'm finding find-your-season-ticket vibes! Can you feel it? Can you feel it? oooh - baby!

LadyFi said...

I think I meant: I'm sending you those good vibes...

Helen said...

maybe check all your jacket pockets? Mine are like black holes that swallow useful things until I find them a year later...

We flood labs ALL the time, it's no big deal, it happens. Not nearly as bad as defrosting the freezer without checking it for dead test subjects first...

(and my word verification is "props" nifty ne?)

Being Brazen said...


you are only as broken as you think you are OR let yourself be.

Good luck finding your ticket!

Anonymous said...

It's the weirdest thing I was thinking about what it would be like to lose a bus pass- I mean what do you do to keep it in the first place?

Okay that was rather random of me.

But shame Po- but I find discovering yourself is such a good thing. And if Google be your shrink so be it then. Well, I'm not so much into the fixing theory- yes, there will be improvement and a part of me thinks I don't want so much to be completely heeled- it was my brokeness that revealed my own humanity, it humbled me as a person to become more free... but I'd have to sit and chat to tell you what I fully mean. It's just now that I had to think about it; it's caught me off guard. So I'll have to sit on some chair, stroke my beard and smoke my pipe thinking about it... and I'm so busy it may take a while.

Anonymous said...

I meant "healed" I've been emptying at odds with my shoe cupboard of late.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

You really should flood that growth room, that way you will really have something to apologise for.

po said...

Ches: hehe I am over it. I just want the atoms to behave again.

sleepyjane: thanks, its just hormones that do the kicking, damn those foul things!

ladyfi: aw thanks! unfortunately it was not to be found, but getting a new one is not tooooooo costly. I am used to paying out for stuff like this. It is just the extra cost of being me.

Helen: Ooh I have never flooded anything before, this is a first, but I have set fire to stuff many times, mostly to highly explosive things. I am a thrill seeker!

BB: thanks, and I agree with the brokenness, although actually I was not referrring to me. I am feeling pretty broken by proxy though.

PAula: I know what you mean! Going through being broken kind of connects you to yourself and to life, and makes you think, and I appreciate seeing things in new ways. But the other more painful stuff bites though!

Hmm, what is in your pipe, hey;)

miss definitely maybe: howdy! haha good idea, except that I don't want to be scooping up water again any time soon.

SonnyVsDan said...

how IS that army of genetically enhanced seamonkeys going?

po said...

sonnyvsdan: They were going fine but we had a bit of a setback when I accidentally knocked them into my coffee, drank them, and didn't realise til I started glowing luminous purple...

Tamara said...


Glad you're feeling less hormonally abused today.

Your last comment to SonnyvsDan made me snort out loud.

My word verification is tropo. there you are again, Polonium.

po said...

Tamara: thanks, hehe, it is always a pleasure to make you snort out loud :)