Interview with a brine shrimp

I have been interviewed. I know, I know; it is hard work being the most sought after seamonkey in the whole of my block of flats, but somebody has to do it.

Medio Pomelo has interviewed me. I love her blog. I am not even sure how I found it. It was a serendipitous event. Her writing style is beautiful. It inspires me. Thanks for the awesome questions!

I in turn must offer to interview anyone who wants to be interrogated by me.

So if you want to be interviewed, please say so in the comments and I will think up 5 questions for you.

Unfortunately I am still in a rather negative frame of mind, so these answers are a bit morose. I feel like I am exposing a raw, dark side of myself here. But it is a large part of me. So hold onto your hats.

1)What achievement/possession/quality of yours are you most proud of?

This is so hard to answer right now.

I try to be non-judgemental. I hate being judged, so I try not to do it to others. People have reasons for doing things that we usually know nothing about. Does that count?

Otherwise, I am proud of my capacity for sleep. My body, if left to its own devices, will happily sleep 12 hours a day. I am part seamonkey, part sloth.

2) If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

My belief that I do not have the ability to do anything. My low expectations of myself. I could go on forever...

3) What happened in the happiest day of your life?

Um, maybe it is still coming up?

I have had many really happy days, but none stick out as the happiest.

Here is one:

- when the BFG came home on the boat from Antarctica after 15 months away, I was sooo happy. It was strange, it was as if he had never been away. Except he had a huge cloud of hair. We went straight to the beach. He was so white and he got fried by the Cape Town sun.

4) If you looked into a magic mirror and saw your life in 2020 what would you like to see?

I find it hard to picture more than a day ahead in my life. I would be 40. Oh. my. word. I hope I am still alive, still with the BFG, and have my sister close by me. I hope I have not allowed myself to wallow in some pathetic misery to the point where I could not find a way out. I hope I am not bitter. I hope I am still brutally honest with myself. I hope my seamonkey fame has taken over the world. Of course.

5) What do you miss most from SA apart from the sunshine? And least?

Hmm, I have been trying to avoid this kind of topic. It seems to be touchy and troublesome. But for you, Medio Pomelo, I shall unleash my best answer:

I miss many superficial things. The outdoor life. I miss going climbing or hiking after work, or playing beach volleyball. I miss belonging, or the illusion thereof. I miss not thinking about South Africa. I only ever started to think about the place a few years after I left. And it drives me nuts.

I do not miss the crime. Or the weird confused guilt that only a pathetic angsty white person such as myself could feel. You can lecture me about this being silly and dated and whatever, and I know. I am just being honest. It's not like I felt it all the time. Mostly I was too self absorbed to notice anything or anyone else.

I don't miss the crappiness of the poverty and anger created by such a sick system. And the sense of inevitability that tainted everything that happened. And still happens.

On the flip side, I miss that incredible resilience in South Africans that I have not found so much elsewhere. People who have nothing still smiling good morning to you as if they really mean it. And they do.

But what I really miss, I do not know. I feel like I am physically missing a part of myself. I associate this loss with South Africa, but it may be something else that caused it. It could also all just be in my mind.

Isn't everything?